Along the same vein as my drinking blog, I am once again questioning my sanity as I prepare to end a long workday by going clubbing...then opening the store again the next day. All day long I try to both rev myself up and sternly remind myself how control and moderation are qualities that the bible and people who wear sweatervests and have real jobs are always touting as good to possess. It's like the classic angel and devil on the shoulders routine...the devil screaming about dancing, doing shots and staying out til dawn, and the angel shaking his finger, spouting many examples of workdays where no amount of water or Dunkin Donuts breakfast sammiches could save me from my hangover. So here is my list of the top 5 worst decisions you can make on a night out if you have to work the next day. I'm sure I'll make at least four of them, despite my best intentions.
5. WEAR THOSE HOT SHOES YOU NEVER WEAR
You know why you never wear them? CAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE, THAT'S WHY, YOU IDIOT. It seems like every third time I go out I suddenly want to release my inner stripper. 8 inch heels? No problem! I know the straps give me blisters? Who cares?!! You'll care the next day when you have to work a ten hour shift (standing the whole time) with blisters and a twisted ankle, cause you know your drunk ass is gonna fall while dancing. I'm locking my shoe closet tonight.
4.START MAKING OUT WITH A STRANGER.
I don't need to elaborate. We've all been there- and we all know that shit lasts til the sun comes up
3. HAVE THAT "LAST" DRINK
It's only 2:30 a.m.....what could one more drink hurt? You think you're "not even feelin' it", but your friends don't tell you that you have one eye half closed and your eyebrows are smeared. Never, ever try to cram in that extra drink. We all know you're gonna order a long island...and then it's all over.
2. I'LL LEAVE WHEN THE DJ PLAYS MY REQUEST
Gurl....they are never gonna play your fucking jam. You probably didn't even write legibly, or they were straight up lying to you when they said they'd play it. At 3 in the morning, with a mere few hours to go til you need to be at work, grinding on strangers to what drunk you thinks is your favorite song just really isn't a priority. It forever results in another hour at the club...and we all know that hour is the difference between being okay and being in pure misery the entire next day at work!
1. THE BREAKFAST RUN
Somehow, some way, every single fucking time I go clubbing I fall for this one. It's even worse when you don't just do the drivethru, but one of your asshat friends decides that a nice sit-down at Denny's or Golden Nugget is just what the doctor ordered. Don't do it! Just eat a piece of bread or five day old pizza when you get home. We all know you don't even enjoy that breakfast anyway...you're just going to eat all the bacon out of the middle of your omelet and steal your friend's fries. Just go the fuck home and get some sleep!
I'm sure I'll break all these rules, but oh well. Rules were made to be broken, right? Someone bring me Pepto and a bagel to work tomorrow.
Stay safe, stay unique and always, always be yourself!