In the spirit of going out tonight, I have been reminding myself all day of what things in my past I need to learn from....mostly because I work all day tomorrow. While the idea of spending the night/early morning sleeping in a bathtub and puking all over myself has its own sort of charm, I think I may want to survive my shift at Taboo Tabou without being green and moaning about how bright it is outside.
Here are my top five, all time, worst ever, never again, please god why drinks I will be avoiding like the plague tonight. Perhaps I can save you from a love affair with a trash basket as well.
I would love to know what sort of demented, evil Leprachaun invented this foul drink. It smells like Big Red, it tastes like magic...and four hours later you are getting in a fight with a parking sign and you're missing one shoe. To be avoided at all costs.
They are the "party guy" of drinks. You like Jager, you like Red Bull...what could possibly go wrong? They are fun to order, they are fun to drink, your awesome coworker Jim Mount will buy you copious amounts of them until you are both leaning on each other and singing Irish folk songs.....and then before you know it you are crying about the decline of dolphin populations and puking out the car window. Not tonight!
3. Irish Carbombs
This is another drink that seems like such a glorious fun time. It's a shot of whiskey dropped into a Guiness that you drink as fast as possible. Awesome, right?! You say to yourself, I've seen these in movies! I've heard people order these! I'm going to be part of the fun crowd! You never think about the next day as you're staring at the bottom of the beer glass, covered in foam, telling yourself what a social butterfly you are. I bet Jim Mount would order me like four of these. NOT ON MY WATCH, JIM!
2. LONG ISLANDS
Anyone who knows me knows long islands are my kryptonite. I usually end up ordering one just to "get the party started", and give the bartender a huge tip. This big tip usually results in every subsequent long island I order being pure booze. We're not talking top shelf booze....we're talking some sort of mystery booze imported from the backwoods that comes in a jar labeled "XXX". This is a hangover waiting to happen. I also turn into some sort of face-grabbing, punch throwing Fratboy who cries on a dime. No sir, none of these shall graze my lips this night. I shall be wise.
1. MYSTERY SHOTS
These are the number one worst drink ever if you have to work the next day. Or if you want to get out of bed for the next 24 hours, or keep any food down. These shots are usually ordered for you by a friend of a friend, and are most often accompanied by the battle cry of "HEY, GET OVER HERE- SHOTS! SHOTS!" You think to yourself, "I LOVE SHOTS! I especially love FREE shots! Who cares what it is???" DON'T. DO. IT. It's a trap! It's a foul hangover bomb in a tiny glass, disguised in the veil of fun of camaraderie. I will have to be strong and swear off these little horrors tonight.
I hope you enjoyed my list and shall avoid these drinks as well if you have to work tomorrow. Feel free to comment with "worst drinks" of your own! Maybe I'll see you out at Nocturna tonight...and if you do run into me, DON'T BUY ME A SHOT!
Rock out, sing in the shower, drink responsibly and always, always be yourself.